No one way to grieve - 12 different types of grief
The emotions thrown up by a loss are complex resulting in lots of different types of grief. Recognising these different emotional states - in yourself and others - can help us better understand how we’re feeling. And find ways to support ourselves and the people we care about.
1 - Normal grief
This name is a bit misleading because there’s not really a ‘normal’ way to grief or a ‘normal’ set of feelings or timelines attached to grief. However, ‘normal grief’ refers to a very broad yet predictable range of responses to grief - including different emotions and physical symptoms - that can be classed as normal. You can find out more about the five stages of grief here.
2 - Abbreviated grief
As you’ve probably guessed, abbreviated grief passes quickly. Some people find they are able to move on quickly from a loss. This can happen when the person who’s grieving:
● Has had a chance to make peace with the loss before it happens (for example if someone has a long-term illness).
● Immediately finds someone else to fill the void caused by the loss.
● Had a distant relationship with the person who died.
3 - Absent grief
Most people expect to grieve when they lose someone but this doesn’t always happen. In some cases, absent grief means somebody shows no signs of grief at all and acts as though nothing has happened. In other cases, people may become stuck in the shock or denial stage of grieving[3] - particularly when the loss is sudden.
An absence of grief can be a little worrying or upsetting for the individual concerned and the people around them if it goes on for a long time. But it’s worth remembering that everyone grieves differently. And, although it might seem that someone is not grieving on the surface, it doesn’t mean they aren’t inside.
4 - Anticipatory grief
As the name suggests, this is the type of grief you may experience before somebody dies. Grieving before someone’s death does not necessarily reduce the feelings of grief after they pass away. But it can help you prepare gradually for a loss and adjust to the reality of their death.
5 - Collective grief
This kind of grief occurs in response to major losses of life, for example, during the COVID pandemic, terrorist attacks, natural catastrophes or wars. Collective grief can even be felt at the loss of a public figure, like Princess Diana. There can be a sense of feeling out of control and powerless that we could not prevent the loss. Feelings can also be magnified due to the collective sense of loss.
6 - Complex grief
This type of grief relates to long-lasting feelings of grief that impair your ability to function on a day-to-day basis. Chronic (strong grief that fails to subside) and delayed grief (when a grief response isn’t experienced until long after someone has died) fall under this umbrella term. If you experience complex grief, you may need support from a professional grief counsellor.
7 - Cumulative grief
Sometimes we experience a number of losses close together. This can result in cumulative grief where the sorrow of losing multiple people builds up. This is sometimes called ‘grief overload’ and it can be very difficult to deal with. Seeking professional support might be required to help you heal.
8 - Disenfranchised grief
Grief of this type happens when someone feels that society or people close to them have denied their right or need to grieve. This can happen if someone had a difficult relationship with the person who died or if the loss was caused by something society frowns on, like drug or alcohol misuse. It can also be felt in response to the loss of distant friends or old acquaintances and secret relationships. For example, if someone dies who was involved in an affair. It’s important to remember that everyone has a right to grieve and to express your emotions and allow others to do the same.
9 - Exaggerated grief
Sometimes people find their grief becomes more intense over time. They may experience extreme grief reactions including nightmares and thoughts of suicide and they can turn to alcohol, drugs or other self-destructive behaviour. Seeking professional support for anyone with this type of grief is extremely important.
10 - Masked or inhibited grief
Sometimes people are so good at masking or squashing their emotions it becomes impossible for them to recognise the symptoms of grief. This can result in the suppressed emotions being expressed as physical symptoms[4] or other behaviours that might not be recognised as grief.
11 - Secondary grief
When somebody dies their death is considered to be a primary loss. The knock-on effect of this loss can result in secondary losses - like financial security, your sense of self, loss of a supportive relationship or even your sense of purpose. Usually, it’s all combination of all these losses that contribute to the grief we experience for the individual who has passed away.
12 - Traumatic grief
When a loved one dies in a way that’s felt to be particularly awful, unexpected, violent and traumatic, people can experience trauma alongside their normal grief response. This can often result in people experiencing very high levels of distress that prevent them from daily functioning.
It’s important to seek support when you’re grieving. Either from the people in your life or one of the following organisations who are on hand to help you come to terms with your loss.
The UK’s leading bereavement charity - helping people through one of the most painful times in life.
Charity run by the bereaved, helping all those suffering grief in the UK.